I love my life. Really I do. In the past, I have been through times when I really, really didn't love my life. Those were very dark times so to be able to wake up every morning and say without question, I love my life, is a big deal for me.
I have everything I ever wanted. I have a husband that I love and is truly my partner, co-conspirator through it all. I have wonderful, healthy (knock-on-wood. PTL) children, who make me smile constantly. I have a nice home. I never worry about whether the bills will be paid or if there will be food on the table. I have friends, the kind I can hug and the kind that I can only reach through a keyboard but they are all real friends.
I have a nice life. I don't take it for granted.
I feel like I have to put all that out there before I start talking about the things in my life that I want to change. Not because, I'm complaining. Not because I worry that I'll be viewed as ungrateful. But as a baseline. There are things I want to change in my life but I don't need to change my life. I need some fine tuning.
Not everything is peaches and cream. My career for one. It is at a complete standstill. I have job, it pays pretty well. The boss is understanding about the needs of a working mom but something needs to change. cannot continue with the long commute, 40 hours and lack of fulfillment. Temporarily that change may come within my current position.
My career is truly one of the lowlights of my life. I had potential when I was in school but a series of bad choices and bad luck, have left me underemployed and with a very low opinion of my worth to the working world. I honestly did not pick the right major in college and I have spent my career trying to fit into a field that doesn't fit me. But there is a saying, "It is never too late to be what you might have been." I am trying very hard to embrace that philosophy and be who I want to be. The challenge is that I don't really know who I want to be, career wise.
At 40 years old, I am attempting to find my passion and jump start my career. It is not an easy task. Years of being in the wrong field have left me wondering if I have any talents that can be translated into a new career. Fear of leaving my family in a financial lurch has kept me from taking any risks. A lifetime of self-esteem issues have kept me from thinking I could ever be good enough to succeed in making a career out of the things I enjoy.
This is a post without any kind of resolution. I am putting my goals out there without any real plan for making them happen. However, writing this down has been cathartic and a little eye opening. My fears don't seem so daunting when I go back and read this. I do have the safety net of my husband. My parents are nearby now to provide the extra support I might need, whenever it is I figure out what I want to do. Even if I fail, I still have kids that think I am the greatest. They are the best reminders that who I am is not what I do.
Hopefully, there will be some follow-up to this post. A plan of action? A revelation? I don't know.
"Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears" -Les Brown
I would love any resource recommendations for career transitions and finding your passion.
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