I haven't been running. It has been hot. I haven't had time. I have just been lazy. It's such a cycle, when I run I feel like eating well and when I eat well I feel like running. Take away one of those and I seem to lose the other.
The bad part is that I just don't know when I'll get it back. As much as I want to lose weight for all the reasons I have mentioned before, I just don't feel like doing the work. I don't feel like running. I don't feel like counting calories, even though there is no way I'll drop a pound without it. I don't feel like sacrificing food when I already make so many other sacrifices in life.
I'll get it together, I'm just going through a rough time emotionally right now. I miss my kids. Yeah, I see them everyday but I want to be part of there whole lives all day long. I'm not happy as a working mom. Yet, I don't see a way around it. We could survive on one income but it would be very hard and my husband is really not even remotely supportive of the idea. So every morning, my heart breaks in half as I walk out the door and it stays broken until I get home. It doesn't help that my 2 year-old has started begging me to stay every morning. The guilt, the guilt, the guilt.
If you aren't an emotional eater, you probably wonder what all that has to do with weight loss. If you are an emotional eater then I don't have to explain the need to fill the whole in your heart with food.
It's my problem to figure out. I'm trying to come up with some ways to earn some income while being home with my kids. It would help if I was creative, artistic or a good writer. But I'm not any of those things.
For now I will just remind myself why I want to be healthy and hope that inspires something in me.
1. For my kids. They deserve a healthy mom. I don't want them to have a fat mom. I want to live to have relationship with my grandkids.
2. For my husband. He deserves a healthy attractive wife. His health goes as my health goes. When I'm doing the right things, he does too.
3. For myself. I want to have energy. I don't want diabetes and all the other health problems that go with obesity. I want to run races again. I want to fit into my old clothes and take pride in my appearance.
I will run tomorrow morning first thing. That is a promise.
Laura, Laura. i sooooo understand every bit of this. every bit. oh do i understand. too well. i think aknowledging how you're feeling is really a great step in the right direction. one day at a time.
ReplyDeletei'm not a low carb pusher at all but have you ever looked into eating this way? for me, and many others who eat low carb, it provides so much more energy without necessarily having to exercise. just throwing it out there.
we can do this. for our kids, for ourselves!